You chose to be abused
The reason why most people are afraid to speak up for themselves is due to the fear of rejection for which isolation usually follows. Margie Warrell from Forbes stated that people could not get out from a relationship because they were afraid of what they would lose such as the very basic needs of security and social status. The fear of starting anew is congruent with the fear of being alone, being isolated, having no one to provide for themselves or no one to empathize with them. Interestingly, abusers have one addicting trait in common – they sustain for what the abused person lacks. In many ways, being abused seems to be better than being starved, of food, of security, of well-established identity. But the greatest factor why most people preferred to be ill-treated is when they were sacrificing for the people that they value the most. This makes abuse tolerable, unfortunately. And subconsciously, this is why you are abused continuously, too.
Standing up for yourself: Why is it important?
Definitely, it is because you are a person who has incomparable worth! You have the right to be respected, to be treated equally, to be admired, to be cared for, to be satisfied. You have all the rights and all the privileges that any person on this planet enjoys! If others can be happy, why can’t you? If others can be seen eye to eye, why can’t you be? If there is anything right to compare yourself with others, perhaps it’s in the matter of valuing yourself, of loving yourself. After all, it is the value that one has put to oneself that erases all the other insecurities. So love yourself. Make yourself valuable, not by the type to be taken advantage of by others or the type to be avoided by them.
Of course, gaining that respect and satisfaction from others takes a whole deal of responsibility. You need to establish yourself as someone worthy of respect, first and foremost. When people around you could see that you have authority and credibility in yourself, even the thought of getting to your nerves will be swallowed by them. How can they hold their ground against you when they believe that you are firm in your own ‘ground’?
Consequently, when you can’t stand up for yourself, others will continue to abuse you until you too will think in the same way as them – that you are no good. Now that’s a deadly idea because literally, you can die either from physical abuse or from depression which eats you up. Take responsibility in showing to the world that you love yourself as well and you regard yourself as someone worthy just like the others. Perhaps, it’s the thought that you do not have enough that let you accept whatever it is that others throw at you.
Unless you stand up for yourself, you would never be able to truly live and realize who you are. Discovering your potential abilities and nurturing them would be clouded by the fear of following those who abuse you. You would never be able to excel, to succeed, to reach greater heights and to make a name for yourself in the world where you wanted to live because you have tended to listen to your fears. Yes, again and again, you will be deprived of your life. You can only exist but you cannot live because you cannot be happy with living, cannot find peace, and cannot be satisfied with where you are now. All that you wanted to do is to escape.
When you can’t stand up for yourself, more likely, you will become a ‘bitter’ person. You’ll hate the world. You’ll blame every person or everything that you can blame. You will destroy others as well. And more dangerously, you will destroy yourself. You cannot see the very reason why you were allowed to live, that behind each storm in the night, the calm, peaceful and heartwarming day will always come. But even the day, you also curse. Since you fail in loving yourself, naturally, you will also fail in loving others.
Be Assertive: Build better relationship with others
It should always be kept in mind that the reason why you are courageous in opening up your thoughts is that you wanted to improve the condition of your relationship. The beauty of life is always determined in the beauty of the relationships that one has. Only those people who truly care for you will be willing to correct you and let you change for the better.
In the same manner, you need to be assertive as well in doing the same act of affection for others. If you care for them, you will tell them what can be right or wrong for them. Assertion is different from aggression. Being assertive means standing up for oneself in a firm manner that is caused by love and respect for others. This is only because the main aim of the discussion is on keeping the relationships. On the contrary, being aggressive stands up for oneself merely for defense and acts more likely as vengeance for lost pride. Aggression typically breaks relationships.
There is no other prized possession other than being true to yourself. You avoid future hookups and instead pursue what yields to progressive outcomes. Being assertive lets you focus towards your ultimate goal because you can veer away from those which complicate you from achieving it. Pleasing others becomes not a big matter since you get the idea that those whom you typically please rarely value your dedication unless they are as equally passionate about the same goals as you are. For what reason were you given the ability to speak? So use it. But let love for others as you love yourself become the subject of all the things that you will say because that’s what maintains relationships – for which life feeds from and for which real life flows into.